I received feedback from my tutor, Aaron, and he suggested that I work on my grammatical errors and punctuation.
I also noticed a couple of errors with style and punctuation that we can work on in class.
I also noticed a couple of grammatical errors. Remember to read over your work, again and again and again.
Throughout the past six weeks, I have been proofreading my work a lot more. And therefore picking up mistakes that I usually would have missed. I have enjoyed using a blog (for the first time) for an course, as I think it shows a journey throughout the term.
Headlines must be “riveting, in order to capture the reader’s attention”(Whitaker, Ramsey & Smith 2012, p. 284). The original headline used was FakeComicCon Investigates Incident. It was purely factual, and not very exciting.
Alternative headlines for the media release story:
Stormtroopers vs. Wolverines leaves 2 critically injured.
- It tells who was involved and how many were injured.
FakeComicCon ends in bloody tragedy.
- This headline could offend people, however it is very catchy.
Four arrested at FakeComicCon.
- Shows how many have been arrested, and where. However it doesn’t say why they were arrested.
Whitaker, W, Ramsey, J & Smith, R 2012, Media writing: Print, broadcast, and public relations, 4th edn, Routledge, New York, NY.
2 June FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
FakeComicCon Investigates Incident
FakeComicCon is working with authorities to investigate the fight that took place at their annual event in Brisbane earlier today involving 40 people.
The fight took place in the main hall of the Brisbane Convention Centre between Storm Troopers and Wolverine cosplayers.
Starting off as a play fight between the two groups, it quickly escalated to real violence. The Wolverines were wearing real knives on their hand, causing serious damaged.
Lasting approximately 20 minutes the fight left 12 people injured, 2 critical. Eight people were taken to Royal Brisbane Hospital. Two of these people, an 18 year old male from Brisbane and a 23 year old female from Townsville are in intensive care.
Queensland Police Spokesperson, John Smith said four people have been arrested on a range of charges related to weapons and assault.
CEO FakeComicCon, Casey Smith says we are very concerned for those involved, our immediate thoughts are with those who have been injured and their families.
“ComicCon series is to give people a safe place to come, play, and meet like-minded people” he said.
“An incident such as this is not in the spirit of our event, I am very upset that this has happened.”
FakeComicCon has run for three years in Brisbane without any incidents. With more than 30,000 people attending the 2015 Brisbane event alone.
The most popular events being the autographed photo signings with international stars.
FakeComicCon will continue to work with relevant authorities to investigate this incident to ensure it is not repeated.
John Smith said “At this stage, we can’t confirm any specific details but will investigate the matter fully.”
CEO Casey Smith is available for comment. For further information please contact Jenna Jones, Communications Manager, FakeComicCon on 07 3001 1003.
The following is a broadcast copy of the interview conducted in Week 4.
|Here I have Molly Scott, 21 and Eilish Beck, 17. And they both agree that having a successful future is important.
|Eilish said she believes that family and friends are equally important as having a successful future because “they keep me grounded and focused”.
||Eilish Beck Interview
|When asked why having a successful future was important to Molly she said “I’m not just referring to work or money, but to having a great family and good friends”.
|Eilish Beck, 17 agreed with Molly that having a successful future was important. “Family, friends, and remembering how blessed we are to live in Australia” were the top things that Eilish listed off.
|After returning home from a volunteer gap-year at Camp Jubilee in Canada, 2013, 21-year-old Molly Scott said “it made me realise that I wanted to help children in need”.
||Molly Scott Interview
|Currently in grade 12 at Heights College, Eilish prides herself on being a studious and athletic student. Participating in many extra curricular activities, she still finds time to hang out with friends and spend quality time with her sisters, and cousins.
||Eilish Beck interview
|Molly also said “my parents have given me a lot in life, so I respect them a lot, hopefully one day I’ll be as good at parenting as they are”.
||Molly Scott interview
|Eilish believes we are blessed to live in Australia, she said “we are so lucky to live in a country like ours, especially now with all the terrible things happening in the world”.
||Eilish Beck interview
|It is clear that both Molly and Eilish have similar goals for a successful future, both include family and friends.